Looking good big man

When The Husband returned from a business trip he was tired and Gail got that. After one full night's sleep, a decent breakfast supplied by Gail and a slow start to the day Gail thought he'd empty the suitcase... but he didn't.

The next day, Gail was about to empty it but then she realised he'd moved it, so he knew it was there. In his tired state he hadn't forgotten about the existence of 16kg of dirty washing. Gail paused for thought and decided to ignore it too.

"Kids," called Gail, "put your school uniform in the washing bin or you'll have to go to school in your pants."

It's taken years of training by Gail for them to grasp the concept that Gail isn't going to search under beds etc to find washing. They are old enough to put their washing in the correct location and Gail will happily do the rest.

The more Gail looked at the suitcase, the more it annoyed her. "No wonder the kids take the piss, it's hereditary!"

The Husband finally picked up on the evil eye, the not too subtle hints and the straight to the point asking him to empty it, and finally he did, however, this is not the end, oh no, the suitcase itself. The suitcase that lives in the loft needed to be returned there. This apparently was too much to ask.

Days went by when Gail called the suitcase a bastard every time she passed it. Then like a work of sweet magic Gail was struck with a cunning idea. It was a cold and dark night with a hint of frost in the air when Gail left The Husband watching telly and quietly seat belted the suitcase into the front seat of his car.

As Gail got breakfast for the children the following morning she chuckled to herself at the scrapping noises coming from outside, then the torrent of obscenities when he'd scraped enough ice off the windscreen to see the big navy suitcase smiling its zippy grin from inside. Gail waved from the window, joy and delight oozing from her face. The Husband took the suitcase to work and Gail intermittently giggled all day.

During the course of the day The Husband must have plotted his revenge for the next morning his golf clubs were in the kitchen with a post-it note saying his car boot had a suitcase in it and there was no room left for the clubs. Gail had to begrudgingly respect the work of cunning.

Gail almost did herself a mischief getting the golf clubs into the loft. On Friday afternoon The Husband called to ask where she'd put the clubs as he'd really like them back before Saturday morning.

"Oh I thought you didn't want them anymore," smiled Gail, "I eBayed them."

The Husband knew she was lying but there was a bit of doubt in him. Gail assured him she had got a sound fifty quid for them. There was mild panic in his voice when he squeaked "are you joking? Please say you are. It's not funny anymore."

"It'll cost you a curry, a bottle of wine and you to sort the kids out this evening if you want any answers," said Gail revelling in her new found power.

The curry was delicious and Gail enjoyed toying with his frail-little-man-mind but she did finally reveal the location of the golf clubs. Gail went to bed content and victorious, and happily snoring garlicky warmth in his direction.

Every Saturday Gail does a big shop while simultaneously dragging The Youngest along behind her saying 'no put it down' without even turning her head. Imagine Gail's chagrin when she opened the boot of her car and couldn't put anything in it because the sodding suitcase was in there. Very good Mr very good.


Weeks later, once suitcase-gate was forgotten Gail went into the loft and removed all the matching navy luggage and dropped it round to her parents to mind for a while. Gail left the children's Trunkis, the red doggie wheelie case and the brown holdall covered in pandas and foxes.

Gail does not go on business trips but The Husband does.



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